"Miss Tori, you're only 28?"
"Yes, I just turned 28."
"Wow. You look more like you're 30. No offense."
"Uhm, okay..."
I think I answered, skirted or dodged more questions and not so veiled insults in two days than I have in two months. This tends to happen when you watch other peoples' children.
Day 1:
Kids get in my car. "Your car smells funny. Not, like, terrible... just, like, bad." Oh-kay.
So we go to the park. "After the park we can go to the BX and..." "...Get Cinnabon?!?!" "...nooooo.... uhm, pick up..." "aw, but I love Cinnabon..." "No Cinnabon." "Well I'm hungry. I want Cinnabon." "No Cinnabon."
We roam the BX and Commissary for the items we came for (paper and snacks) and during this time I swear 40 fragrances were sprayed on 20 items and brought to my nose for sampling. Gah. I couldn't breathe.
Piano at 11. Yes.
So then we go home.
"I'm starving." "We're going home for lunch." "What are we going to have... I don't want to have to eat fruit again." "uhm... well, the fruit was a snack, a snack that I feed my kids." "I want candy." "No candy before lunch." "But I waaaaant caaaaandy..." "No candy before lunch."
On the way home, one asks "do you have a big back yard?" I say "No, we don't have a back yard" and proceed to explain how in our neighborhood one person's home is the boundary for another's yard and the rock and concrete fences create little enclosures in which we all live separate little lives. So she looks out the window: "Yuh-huh, you do have a back yard!" Uhm, yes, kid, we have grass behind our house... but unless you wanna jump out that there 2nd story window or climb out the tiny hole in the cellar, you aren't getting out there without learning to talk to the guy in Italian.
"Are all your neighbors American?" "Nope... we don't live in housing... we live on the economy, which means our neighbors are Italian." "Why aren't your neighbors American?" Duhno, kid. Might have something to do with the fact we live in Italy.
"You need to clean your house." Thanks for that tidbit, kiddo. Like I don't have, oh, 7 hours a day slated for that very thing.
She looks in the fridge, sees spaghetti that I purposely left in there til umidi day because I have no desire to smell what a 100 degree Italian day will do to it in a paper bag. She reaches in my fridge and brings it to me... "Here. You need to throw this out." "I have my reasons for leaving that in there at the moment." "Well, now you can get rid of it. You're welcome." Ugh.
"Are your kids adopted?" "Nope." "Are you adopted?" "Nope... my parents are stuck with me through natural causes." "Why does Katy have another dad? And is he the one who abuses her? And why does she go see him if he abuses her?" Clearly I need to have a talk with my daughter about running her mouth for attention and telling folks about my past... "And why did you get married before? You shouldn't be allowed to marry somebody and then marry somebody else." Uhm... this coming from a kid whose dad has other kids from a previous marriage, too. Hmm.
But at the end of the day, they wanted to come back. They like me, apparently.
So Day 2:
It's raining, so no park in the morning. They get in the car. "Your car still stinks." Thanks. Good morning to you, too.
"Do you guys want pancakes and eggs for breakfast?" "Ooh... I like cheese in my eggs!" "I can put cheese in your eggs." "I know how to do it! I'm going to cook them myself." "Thanks, you can help me, but I'd prefer to do the cooking." "But I can do it. I know how. I'm going o do it."
"Did you clean your house?" "Nope." "You should've cleaned your house." "I'm the only one who EVER cleans my house and seeing as how I have 4 kids to entertain... I didn't WANT to clean my house." "Oh, okay."
We get home. I send the kids in the living room to pick a movie. They pick Balto 2. Good for them. By the time they decide, I have pancakes done and eggs cooking. I tell them come to the kitchen, sit down and eat breakfast. "But we wanna watch Balto." "You can watch Balto... after you eat." "I'm gonna take mine into the living room and watch Balto." "No you're not." "Well I don't wanna eat if I can't watch Balto." "I can say no tv." "Okay, okay... I'll eat."
She sees the eggs cooking. (In a horrified and bossy tone:) "You're supposed to put the cheese in BEFORE you cook the eggs! Don't you know ANYthing??" "Well... I've made a lot of cheese eggs in my 28 years, and in my experience, this is the best way to make them." "Miss Tori, you're 28? You look more like you're 30. No offense." *sigh*
You get the point. I'm thinking perhaps going past breakfast on day 2 would be a bit of overkill. But I will tell you that when she made her LAST house cleaning comment, I looked at her, pointed to all the stuff SHE had left on my floor and on my table, and told her that it is because of THIS behavior that my house will not stay clean. If she would like for my house to be clean, the LEAST she could do would be to pick up after herself. Well, she didn't, but her closing comment was this: "Oh, well, we have a maid and she does a REALLY good job." Things are making more sense. At least I had no more of her suggestions on the subject.
They really are decent kids... I just don't know how I feel about having to bite my tongue. Anyway. The kids both wanted to come back next week... so I suppose my house was clean enough... and my tongue bitten in all the right spots.
